Christmas 2006

It's now New Year's eve (only 6:30 in the morning, but still the last day of the year). We managed to get through the Christmas season relatively well. We got lots of beautiful cards and pictures from our friends and families. I haven't sent out Christmas cards in over 10 years - can you beleive that? For so many years, I was "too busy". Now, I'm just plain tired. I am very stingy with my time because there is so little of it to go around; I spend more time sick or at doctor offices than I do anywhere else. I have to 'save my spoons' for things that are truely important.

We talked at length about a tree, even took a family vote. Amanda voted a definate NO to getting a tree. I was on the fence - didn't care either way. Everyone else voted YES. In the past, we've always had a live tree. This year, as time was quickly running out and we still didn't have a tree, John came home with a new artificial tree from Wal-Mart. I was very pleasantly surprised - it really was beautiful. Then there were the added benefits that Garfield didn't drink the water and kill it, no one had to remember to add water every day, there are no pesky needles all over the house, and of course we didn't have to deal with disposing it. Plus, we're all ready to go next year - Our tree is neatly boxed up and waiting for us. So all in all, it was a great idea John had and I have to say I'm a convert (I used to be a "natural or nothing" Christmas tree snob).

As soon as the tree went up and was decorated, presents begain to 'appear' under it. Garfield loved the tree perhaps more than anyone. He was forever swatting at the ornaments, garland, and lights, and even kept tring to climb up the trunk. When he did that, the whole tree would start swaying back and forth, and the spire on the top wobbled wildly. So I guess I'd have to say the tree was a big hit all the way around.

We did some furniture rearranging in order to make a spot for the tree. We moved the big green chair up to our bedroom, along with the reading table and lamp. I'm really enjoying the change, and have decided to make it permanent. Now we have a great, quiet reading nook in the bedroom. Michael gave me a pretty table top fountain which I placed atop the reading table. It is so relaxing! The only thing is that Garfield likes to drink from it, so I have to keep a close eye on the water level so it doesn't go dry and damage the motor. We put the piano in the corner where the big green chair had been - and I like that change too. I know it sounds silly, but now that the piano is more visible, I tend to play it more - and that's a good thing. Its a great outlet for me. I usually put on the headphones so only I hear what I'm playing, because there is usually a lot of noise and stuff going on in the house.

We had a more frugal gift-giving season than in the past, but no less meaningful or fun. Amanda gave me a tea set that is AWESOME. It is hand made cast iron from Japan, the type of tea set I've wanted for years but would never have spent the money on. It is warm green with dragonflies on it, and it is so perfect. Dragonflies symbolize new beginnings, and I've always been partial to them, but never knew their symbolic meaning. It reminds me of the plaque on my wall that my Mother gave me that says "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". I've been offering tea to everyone in sight. My family has been indulging me by sharing pots of tea, but I don't think anyone else really enjoys it the way I do. Amanda got me the matching trivet and two teacups with saucers to match. They tried to sell her a warmer that you put a candle in and it keeps your tea warm for hours, but I didn't think I needed it. I've changed my mind on that, and when I have $39 to spare I'm going to get it. That way I can brew a pot and sip on it all morning.

John gave me this incredible sleeping mask. It is so fluffy and soft and goes over your eyes. It TOTALLY blocks out any light, and has different sounds you can play. There is white noise, a babbling brook, the ocean, birds chirping, and some others. Plus, you can plug in your iPod and listen to that if you want to. Of course, you can also listen to nothing, just put on the mask and block out all of the light and take a nap. I've been using it every day... it's so perfect for me! Now I can take a nap in the recliner in the middle of the day in complete darkness. Plus the plush fabric feels SO GOOD against my skin and sort of 'hugs' me. I like it a lot, I guess you can tell.

'Santa' brought Will the SIMS. He's always wanting to play on Amanda's game and so we knew he would enjoy having it for himself. We were right. For the first 2 days, I don't think he ate or slept at all - he just played the SIMS. What I really like about that game is that it makes you think and really teaches life concepts in a fun way. Like if you don't work, you don't eat, or if y ou don't learn to cook you burn up your house, if you don't get enough rest you get sick, if you don't bathe you get sick - stuff like that. I'm relieved that it works flawlessly on his laptop, because it is an IBM Thinkpad and sometimes things don't work exactly right on it.

There was lots more special gift-giving - too much to recall it all here.

On Christmas Eve we had a very special time. Michael, John, Andrew, Grandpa Bill and I all went to the Christmas Eve service at our church. I think that other than Grandma Betts funeral, this was the only time the five of us have been to church together. It was mostly music and sharing. The lights were dimmed so it was comfortable on my eyes. Both John and I shared during the service, and it was just so special being all together like that. My only wish was that Amanda could have been with us, but it was her time to be with her Dad and Marsha. Afterwards, we were hungry for dinner but I was far to tired to deal with cooking, so we went out for Mexican.

Our 'family Christmas' was on the 18th at my brother, Joel's house. I knew beforehand that I was not up to going. I got several calls from Joel, Mom, and Dad, all encouraging me to go. I know their intentions were good, but I had to listen to my body - I know my limitations and it would have been very uncomfortable - plus my family wouldn't have been able to stay as long as they wanted because I would have had to leave early. Amanda helped me make big baskets for each of my brothers families and my Mom & Dad, and I sent them to the gathering. I got a lot of enjoyment from that and it made me feel like I was participating in some small way. One thing we put in all the baskets was 'Peppermint Bark'. This is super easy to make, and Amanda made it while I sat and instructed her. It's so much fun teaching her to cook things and watching her as she tries things for the first time in the kitchen. The bark was no exception. It turned out great, and we had plenty of it to go around and give to friends and family. On Christmas morning, each of the kids even had a bag of it in their stockings!

On the 27th, we got sad news. My dear uncle Drew passed away. He was my mothers only brother, and father to 4 of my cousins. He has been seriously ill for the last 8 years, due to a heart condition. He was on over 6 liters of oxygen! (I'm only on 2-3 liters). He was able to spend Christmas day with his family, and according to reports he died quickly and without pain. He has always been dear to me, kind, gentle, and caring. We never lived close enough together to form a close bond, but I love him none the less. I know he was a believer and I know we'll see him again. That is my consolation. Rather than send flowers, I went to the American Heart Association website and donated $50 in his memory; my aunt will get a card from my family for him. My parents, who just returned from Texas the week before Christmas, went back to Louisiana on the 28th for the services and to be with the family. The services were yesterday, the 30th. They had to wait until then because my cousin Nathan was in Africa and that was the earliest that he could get home.

Yesterday morning (Saturday), I made breakfast (with help), and we were all together to eat it (a rare thing!). Michael, John, Andrew, Amanda,Will, and me. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, from the cathead biscuits to the Mayhaw jelly. Afterwards, before everyone could dash off their seperate ways for the day, I asked the kids to please take down the tree. Michael brought in the storage boxes, and they all got to work. They had it done in no time. I was feeling very tired and went to bed. I kept feeling worse and worse, and about 1:00 I realized I had not taken my morning medicine - DUH! So I took it and in about an hour I started feeling human again and got out of bed.

The Verdict is in - Maybe

I went to Dr. Daily (Infectious Disease) and he studied my CT scans and agreed with the Radiologis and ER doctor - said I am 'a very sick lady' and have 'acute Mastoiditis'. So thats 3 doctors to 1, so I'm going with the majority. I have to finish out the Cipro and if it's not cleared, either go to IV antibiotics or a stronger oral one. Still have the constant headache and nausea, feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck. I am totally noise and light sensitive, they both make me feel like crawling out of my skin. And the abdominal pain that is at times WORSE than my joint pain.

There's always a twist though. Michael did some research and found that Sarcoid can attack the Mastoid bone and mimic Mastoiditis. So, this whole thing could be from Sarc and not an infection. The only way to tell is surgery. yipee, can you tell how thrilled I am?

After I take my morning meds and a double dose of Percocet, I can squeeze out a little bit of 'quality time', which I'm using very judicously. I usually get one more window of 'feel ok time' late in the evening (late for me), usually around 8. Thats when my evening pain meds kick in. Other than those two times of day, my physical life is misery. I put my best face on and try to focus on the positives, try my best not to dampen the spirits of those I love, and just take a moment at a time. Distractions help, music helps, seeing my children smile helps, a kiss from Michael helps, loving my kitty helps, naps help, making tea in my new Dragonfly teapot helps (and sipping it!).

Stumped

Ok, so today Amanda drove me to see my ENT doctor, the same doc that has operated on me at least 3 times and treated me for 10 years. He looked at the CT scan and saw the abnormal fluid in the mastoids and said, well theres no way to have fluid in the Mastoid unless it comes from the middle ear. He looked at my ears and said they were clear. So he basically had no idea why I have fluid in my mastoids, pain in my ears and back of my head. But he strongly disagreed with the ER doctor about Mastoiditis. He seemed to not really have a clue what is going on with me or what I should do next, and he didn't even really seem like he wanted to get involved (too complicated?). I was surprised and left feeling like I'd wasted my time. He had no idea what the problem is or how to fix it. So, left to my own devices I think I'll go see my Nerologist (since after all there is excruciating pain in the back of my head), and my GI doctor (since I also have excruciating pain in my left pelvic region). It was kind of funny, Dr. Jackson (ENT guy) didn't have a clue what was going on in my ears, nose, throat, etc., but seemed 100% certain that I have diverticulitis (sp?). We'll have to see if Dr. Jagiella agrees. In the meantime I'll take the Cipro and go with the flow. I guess I can always take my breakthrough pain meds or go to the ER if it gets too bad. Anyway the silver lining is I got to spend most of the day with Amanda and we even did a little bit of secret santa shopping (shhh).

Migraine-ish Mastoiditis

Sunday morning I awoke to the worst headache yet. It occured to me that these headaches have all been in the lower back of my head, and usually my migraines are in the front of the head. So, I thought, maybe it's not a migraine, maybe I have a blood pressure problem.

So I pulled out the cuff and snapped it on, and yep there it was: 210 over 110. I took it 3 more times just to make sure. Then I called my Dr. and he said do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to the ER.

So off to the ER we went. After a $100 deductable and a CT scan of my head, it was determined that I have major infection in my mastoids - both sides. These little gems are right in the lower back of the head - amazing - right where my headaches have been. So I've been walking around with this infection for about a week and a half now, when Dr. Butler said any infection needs to be treated within 48 hours because of the drugs I'm on. ypiee, what fun. Mastoiditis, I discovered, can spread into the bone, requiring surgery. It can also lead to Meningitis if not treated promptly and aggressively. No wonder I've felt like the bottom of a wet diaper pail for the last week. The one bright spot to the ER trip was 2 pain shots and some temporary relief from the non-stop pain.

So I started on Cipro 500 MG 2x daily and of course pain pills to mask the constant agony that I used to call a life. And of course no more Remicade until everything is completely cleared up...so my Sarc can have a Christmas party, and probably a New Year's party too - all without the interference of any of those nasty little TNF inhibitors or auto-immune suppressors to dampen their fun. I just hope that unleashing the Sarc monster won't cause a flare-up and God forbid, a hospital stay.

This morning I woke up with no headache (although it did return later in the day), so based on that I think the Cipro is working. I'm just hoping its not too little too late.

Tomorrow I follow up with the ENT specialist who once told me "I can cut off a person's whole head if I want to" - now isn't that comforting. On the other hand, I would probably feeel a lot better if he did.

I have to go to the GI specialist too, because I've been having intense pain in my lower left abdomen. I had an abmormal CT scan in that area last year; maybe it is related. Who knows. I need a personal secretary just to keep up with my medicines and doctors and tests. Am I dying? Or will this pass? I dunno. I guess I'll find out when I find out.

Meanwhile I haven't begun to shop for Christmas; its kind of hard to do when you're in bed with pain for 18 hours out of every day. Hmm. Maybe I'll give hugs this year.

Oh What a Relief it is!

I'm reminded of that old Alka-Seltzer commercial "plop plop, fizz fizz, Oh what a relief it is"... guess that tells a bit about my age. But pure relief is what I feel this morning. I woke up with NO HEADACHE & NO NAUSEA! Tired? yes. Joint Pain? constantly. But no Migraine. I'm really glad because Will is home sick from school and I have to be at the hospital for a 10:30 appointment this morning. Taking care of his appointment and mine will be so much easier without the Migraine.

So, what's been going on around here for the last 3 days while I've been consumed with flashing lights, nausea and Ginger Ale? Well, last night John came home with a Christmas Tree for us. We just keep running into scheduling hurdles and its now 12/14 and we still haven't bought a tree. So John came to the rescue and surprised us last night. It was really sweet and thoughtful of him to take care of that for the family. He's still waiting on the final yes or no from the Alpharetta Police Department. We know he passed all of the tests, including the oral interviews, but he doesn't have a final answer/job offer yet.

Andrew is still working a temp job with UPS. It is supposed to end on 12/22. He's working on a lot of other leads for employment after that date, including a possibility of being hired on at UPS as a regular employee. He's completed interviews with Comcast, and is waiting for a final yes/no from them. He's also looking into work at SmokeJack. I think he's hoping we take a trip to Lisbon after Christmas and wants to go along. Its been 7 years since we last took him, and it would be great for him to get to go again.

Michael is having a good month at work. Sales and Renewals are up, thanks to his top notch Customer Care. That really seems to be his niche. He finally went to the doctor about his persistant cough and breathing problems. He's been diagnosed with several allergies: Dog, Cat, and Dust Mites (of which we have plenty!!), and with Asthma. They put him on some new meds and he said he hasn't had a "breathing spell" since he started the meds. That's really good news, because he's been carrying a nebulizer around all the time and using it several times a day! It's also great news that he doesn't have a lung problem. Hopefully he's back on track and will feel much better.

Amanda finished her finals on Tuesday - all done with her first semester of college! She doesn't go back until January. Meanwhile, she's been working 2 jobs - Theater Tech for two different productions. The last performance is Sunday 12/17 and she will be burning the candle at both ends until then. On Monday, I'm betting she'll be complaining of boredom...but she'll have a bit larger bank balance to show for it all.

Will is enjoying playing basketball. His first game was last Saturday, 12/9, and his team won by 2 points. He got the star for best effort. If we could just keep his shoes tied snugly, I think he would do even better. This week he's been complaining of a sore throat. No fever, and the throat looks ok to me. But I finally let him stay home today and have a 3:45 doctors appointment for him this afternoon to check it out.

Tomorrow at noon I have a date with Grandpa Bill. We're going to sip tea and he's going to tell me stories while I snuggle up on his big sofa. What a great way to spend a Friday afternoon!

That's all for now, I've got to get a quick shower and rouse Amanda (my designated driver this morning).

Beat to the Punch?

OK, so this is day 3 of the Migraine wars. I found some Frova tablets and took one along with 2 Percocets before getting out of bed. My head was already starting to hurt, but no flashing lights or nausea. Then I started with the Ginger Ale and a Phenegran. Now it's 10:00 AM and I'm nauseous, but managed to hold down a cup of yogurt and the Ginger Ale. My head is not hurting and there are no lights. So basically I just feel like I'm about to toss my cookies any minute now. I'd say I beat the Migraine to the punch today. Still feel like my stomach has been pulverized by a prize fighter, but at least I'm not bed-ridden like the last 2 days. Just look for the Canada Dry and Phenegran at my house and you'll find me close by.

Migraines Again

I seem to get in these cycles of migraines, they come in bouts. First the lights flashing, then the headache, then the nausea. I've been nowhere except the toilet and my bed for the last 2 days. Just one of the side effects of Methotrexate and Remicade. I took my last $10 migraine pill today, so if it comes back tomorrow I'll have to go to the pharmacy and get more. I have plenty of Canada Dry and Phenagren, Soup and Crackers. I'm going to try to drag myself into the shower now and maybe smelling better will make me feel better. Or maybe thats just wishful thinking. I would really, really, really like to feel better tomorrow. When these days happen I miss LIFE. I miss my FAMILY. I feel so alone and useless, and life starts feeling pointless. Maybe tomorrow, just maybe... it will be different.