Friday, September 22, 2006
Stubborn
This time the flare is being so stubborn. I've been taking the extra Prednisone for 3 days now, and I feel worse than before I started taking it. Not a good sign, I'm afraid. Joints worse, breathing worse, chest rattle worse. And the nightmares, God the nightmares. They just keep coming and coming and my mental state is on the fritz. I don't want to have to go to the hospital, but at least there I would get some support. Around here, it's just like 'lets ignore Mom for as long as we can and maybe she'll just go away". And if I dare to ASK for anything, you would think the world was coming to an end. So I just don't ask, and so I don't get what I need to get better. It really stinks. They all act like I'm such an imposition on their lives, and I know I must be. After all, how long should they be expected to put up with this? This was never in the bargain - for any of them. But here I am, sick and getting sicker - needy and getting needier and just praying to God to either make me well or take me home.
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1 comments:
Jeannie,
I love you, I know you know that.
I hear your frustration, I hear your anguish. I also hear you lashing out. You must know that we ALL want to help you and support you, but we all often don't medically know how.
Many times you are up & awake when we are sleeping. Will, Am,anda and I are not here during the day when you are awake. You know this.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. If I knew what it was you needed or wanted.
When you are alone, I think you feel more alone. That's not good for you or anyone.
My vows stand, Please, remember that!!
I wondewr if you fould my reply tp your previous post earlier this week.
love,
your liche man
michael
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