Walk a Mile in My Shoes

Finally had to go to CLH last Friday and admintted to hospital to get the flare under control. So I got 180 MG daily via iv of Presnisone plus plenty of tranquilizers to keep me from going nuts, and lots of Morphene for the pain.

It was a real trip this time. Due to a mix-up on my meds, I ended up going into withdrawal on Friday night and turned into a raving lunatic. I made this huge scene and ripped out my iv and was trying to escape the hospital without any oxygen. They had to call security and there weare these doctors and nurses and everyone trying to 'talk me down'. Turns out it was ALL CHEMICAL, the ER intake had not passed along my meds info to the next department, etc, etc, and by Friday night I was in cold turkey withdrwawal from a half dozen meds that I HAVE to have on schedule, every day, on time. It gave me a real appreciation for what people who are detoxing must have to go through. But at least they know they are detoxing, and they are given support to help ease them through the detox process.

It was a real mess, but when I awoke about 3AM in my room, there was this sweet lady just sitting there next to me. Turns out, I had been assigned to have a constant "sitter" for the remainder of my stay. These "sitters" just came and went, quietly just being there with me. If I wanted to talk, we talked. If I didn't want to talk, they just quietly attended me. It turned out that every single one of them was a Christian or seeking Christ, and we always ended up having such special fellowship! It was truly amazing, the sharing that happened between me and my "sitters" over the weekend.

Looking back, there was clearly a purpose in this episode. I was visted by my family, 2 of the hospital chaplains, and my pastor and a friend from church. The chaplain visits were amazing. I've never had a hospital chaplain visit me before, but for some reason ??? I checked 'Yes' on the box requesting a chaplain visit.

The 2nd chaplain that came in did something so profound. We talked about my greif over the loss of my abililty to be a part of the Worship Team, and to use my career to bless people in the corporate world. (You see, that was always my reason to get up in the morning and to the 'corporate thing' - it was a cover for me to try to show Jesus to the people I worked with). This is something I have rarely talked about because it has been so painful - like I would want to know WHY would God take away my ability to minister FOR HIM? Like being spurned by a lover. Very painful. Well, this chaplain really 'got it'. And then he helped me understand some things, and left me with SUCH HOPE for the future! This verse has new meainng for me now:

Isaiah 53:5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

My pastor has told me over and over the same thing, but I just didn't 'get it' until this weekend as I sat in the hospital with this sweet spirited, gentle man from South Korea. He explained how even God (temporarily) turned his back on his only son on the cross, and that he HAD do to that in order for Jesus' sufering to be REAL. And in order for me to MINISTER to people, I have to truely WALK THE PATH myself. Then it becomes REAL and I can connect with hurting people and minister to them. I ended up leaving with such a sense of purpose and hope, and yes - gratitude for all of the sharing with my 'sitters' over the weekend.

Romans 8:28 (KJV)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I have a nw acceptance. I am walking this path for a reason. Whether I see the results in this life or the next, it doesn't matter. Each pain, each hurt, is in my path for a reason, that reason being MINISTRY to other hurting people that can't be done unless you've actually WALKED THE PATH.