The Next Thing to Try

Ok, so we struck out with Methotrexate, Antibiotics, and Embril. Now the doc says we should try Remicade. So I'll be starting treatment in late March or early April. This is a drug that shuts down your immune system (like MTX and Embril), but in a different way. It has been in use for RA patients for some time and there are now studies showing it can be successful for SARC patients. Thats me, a double winner. So the doc seemed excited to try it. I don't even want to read the side effects; maybe if I don't I'll have a more positive attitude about trying it. For today, my goals are to stay ahead of the pain and be kind to people around me.

Is it Possible?

Is it still possible?
To go to the fresh fruit market on Tuesday morning,
To watch a boat race in the bay,
To watch whales while having lunch on a terrace,
To stop on the road and watch that magnificant sunset.

Wednesday Night

Unyielding, pressing in, the ache so deep
Like fire daggers through my bones
The tears flow
They just come when they come; there's no stopping them
Every once in awhile there is a glimpse of the 'old me'
The glimpses are brief, few and far between
Who are they for?
How will it end?
How long will it last?
The distractions are a temporary hide-out
A way to create something beautiful
Even if it's only beautiful to me
To try to hide all the ugliness and pain
To try to remain among the 'living'
While I 'live' from pill to pill
The real me getting sucked deeper and deeper into a foggy pit
A vacant pit behind my blank stare
When I look at you and can't remember your name
Or mine