Confusing

Very Confusing

I've started the slow slipping down off Prednisone again. There must have been some people praying for me because we all made it through this round pretty well. But the taper down, now thats tricky. Everything is surreal and I fade in and out of life. So much of the time not feeling anything except the pain increasing as the pred decreases. Your voice bounces around in my head mixing up the words in a jumble until what I hear is not what you said. The other voices are there too, calling me, always calling me. The tradeoff is in full swing now. I don't have enough pain meds. The pharmacist treats me like a drug addict. I sit in silence. Is there anger in there? Will it come out some day? What did I just say? Was that me or you? Where is home base and can I ever get there again? Ah, HOME. what a word. what a place. what a feeling that must be, to be HOME.