Treatment Started - FINALLY!!!

My Pulmonologist does not want to treat my MAC infection because my results are "too inconsistent". This was pretty devistating to me, especially since my parents drove me all the way to Tyler, TX to see the MAC specialist. I have to admit I was down in the dumps for a few days over this. But in the end, I decided not to let the opinion of one doctor who barely knows me shoot down my hopes. After my 4th Pulmonologist, I've concluded that there is something in their medical training that precludes them from empathy. They just don't get it. I think it has something to do with the fact that they are taught that the lungs don't have the capacity for pain. Whatever it is, BEWARE of them. I much prefer the Infectious Disease doctors and Rheumitologists.

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Thank God for my Rheumitologist.

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She prescribed the drugs and is going to monitor the 6 month MAC treatment.

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Wouldn't it be amazing if my cough went away?

Wouldn't it be amazing if my chest pain went away?

Wouldn't it be even more amazing if my joints got better?

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I am so grateful to have at least one doctor that LISTENS TO ME and is willing to TAKE A CHANCE ON ME. I started treatment yesterday, so we'll see how things are on 4/25/05.

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I have faith.

I will be better then.

April 25, 2005 will be here before I know it.

Mystery Solved?

So maybe it's not just your garden variety FAT after all. My dear father in law has educated me on Cushings Disease, which occurs when your body either receives or manufactures too much cortisol. I've had these strange purple streaks on my skin for months now and turns out that is a classic symptom of Cushings. Quoted from WEB MD below:

"Cushings syndrome is a rare disorder in which body tissue is exposed to excess levels of the hormone cortisol, which helps the body manage stress and plays a role in regulating the Immune System. Cortisol levels increase when the pituitary gland in the brain releases another hormone called adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). Because cortisol influences almost all body systems, Cushing's syndrome may cause such diverse symptoms as WEIGHT GAIN, LOW BACK PAIN, SKIN CHANGES, BLUISH-RED STRIPING, SEVERE FATIGUE, MUSCLE WEAKNESS, DEPRESSION, DIABETES, and HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. If untreated, Cushing's syndrome can result in death."

OK, so I'm overdosed on steroids. Like I didn't already know that. HOW TO GET OFF OF THEM IS THE QUESTION???????? This has got to be priority 1 when I see my Rheumy next week. With Cushings, no matter how hard you diet and exercise, you just keep exploding bigger, bigger, bigger. And then you die.

FAT

I can't breathe and my chest hurts.

When I lay down I feel like I'm suffocating.

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That's because you're FAT.

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I haven't been able to breathe, and my chest has hurt for 3 YEARS.

I've only been FAT for 1 YEAR.

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I didn't hear that.

It's much more convenient to blame your symptoms on your FAT.

Then its all your fault.

Then I don't have to help you.

You do realize, that FAT people don't get any help, don't you?

They get sent away and told to lose weight.

We don't believe what they say either.

In fact, we don't really listen to them at all; we just smile and nod and hope they hurry up and leave so we don't have to look at their FAT ugly bodies.

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But I wasn't FAT until the doctors gave me all the drugs that made me get FAT.

It was the DOCTORS and their CURES that made me FAT!!!!

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I didn't hear that.

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Have you ever taken Prednisone?

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I didn't hear that.

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Have you ever tried to lose weight on Prednisone?

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I didn't hear that.

You are FAT and so I'm not going to help you.

I'm going to send you away so I don't have to see you.

And I don't have to think about you.

Go lose 23 pounds and come back in 6 weeks.

Then, maybe I'll look at you and see a real human being.

Instead of a FAT slob that doesn't deserve help.

Then, maybe I'll listen to what you're saying and maybe I'll even believe some of it.

Stop crying because it makes ME feel bad.

It's not OK for ME to feel bad, just for YOU to feel bad.

Stop crying because it will ruin MY reputation.

It's ok for you to feel like you're dying inside, just don't cry in my office.

Just don't let me have to see your pain.

It spoils my nice, neat, little professional, happy, skinny day.

Just go away.

Quickly, so I can start to forget you.

Because you're just FAT, not SICK.